A 75 year-0ld Gruzian granny took a saw and went out to get some wood. She began to saw at this looo-o-o-o-ng twig, see, and when she was done, all of Armenia, a big chunk of Gruzia and a small part of Azerbaijan were without Internet service. That long twig turned out to be a data cable that happened to be the only feed to the aforementioned unfortunate areas of the Caucasus. The Great Caucasian Internet Outage lasted for twelve hours.
But there was trouble. Granny’s story had some inconsistencies. Following a thorough grilling by the less-than-sympathetic Gruzian police, Mrs. Hajastan Shakarian finally admitted that she had gone out not for wood but to find some metal that would earn her a few tetri at the recycling station. And that delicious cable just looked too tempting…
Poor Mrs. Shakarian now faces up to three years in jail for damaging property, but there are unconfirmed rumors that, on advice of the U.S. Department of Justice, she might be treated as a terrorist (after all, she’s Caucasian, and she’s not a Moslem!).
Reportedly, Gruzians are anxiously asking when the Obama White House will insert itself into this controversy, and in what way. Lloyd’s of London is giving odds that Obama’s rasputins will use this incident as a reason to assume control of the Internet, to “protect the interests of the people.” Gruzians are reportedly also asking how long it will take Janet Napolitano to declare Mrs. Shakarian’s action a “woman-caused disaster.”